


how do i love again?

by appleofmysirius



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Actor AU, Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-13 11:49:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29153061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/appleofmysirius/pseuds/appleofmysirius
Summary: A story in five scenes, or how Futakuchi Kenji comes to regret breaking your heart.
Relationships: Futakuchi Kenji/Reader, Sugawara Koushi/Reader
Kudos: 11





	how do i love again?

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr -> @forgetou

SCENE ONE

The usually scintillating Futakuchi Kenji, movie star and heartthrob, is noticeably subdued on the set of his latest movie. A rom-com franchise he signed on for, it spanned three 3 movies, each covering different phases in the relationship between the two main characters. He was currently on set, in the middle of filming the second movie- the one where the childhood sweethearts who realised their feelings in the first movie were now working through the ups and downs of their budding romance.

Given that his character worked in a different location from your character, Futakuchi spent many scenes acting with those playing his ‘colleagues’ or ‘friends’, not you, his ‘girlfriend’. You were his real girlfriend, too, until the two of you broke up sometime in between the first and second movie. 

[Our main character is Futakuchi Kenji, 26. Newly single, brown hair, parted to the side. A callous grin usually on his face, now long gone as he contemplates a love lost.]

His career was taking off, he was looking to shed his image as a one-note rom-com star and transition into more serious acting, so he cut all the loose ends. You included; a singer-turned-actress, who was known for being sweet and wholesome and having a public persona that didn’t lend itself to the kind of character work he wanted to do.

He wanted to live and breathe his roles, to sink deep into the hold of the part, not to play the dashing young man with witty one-liners and a blinding smile. When those scenes come up, and he has to flirt and be sweet to you, it clouds his mind with unpleasant memories of your relationship. Of the real courting stage between the two of you, where he flirted with you with words that dripped like sweet poison, intoxicating you and convincing you to spend your time with a man who would come to break your heart. 

The relationship itself wasn’t unpleasant- it was what followed. The memories of your tear stained face as he demolished your heart, the feeling of sleeping in his cold bed, without you to call or text or hold or kiss or hug in the morning. It was the impulsivity of it all- the feeling that he needed to cut ties so he could be taken seriously, only for heartbreak to crash into him, alongside a dual wave of guilt as remembers hurting you. 

Regret is not an easy bedfellow; not when he keeps your picture up on his nightstand so he can’t sleep on his side anymore. He thinks about you more often than he’d like, imagining telling you about the drama he just got cast in until he realises you’re not in his Favourites anymore. He thinks about you when he mentally plans his grocery shopping trip, when he buys the doughnuts you like, when he stirs his coffee instead of having instant coffee. 

In his most traitorous moments, he drops the facade and longs to believe that you think of him too. That you’re somewhere, equally as miserable, yearning after the man who broke your heart.

SCENE TWO

Reality is unpleasant. For Futakuchi’s hopes are far from his imagination, where you’re yearning after him the way he does for you. Like every girl who gets her heart broken by an undeserving man, you wallowed in your hurt for a few months, picked yourself up and dusted yourself off soon after, and went back into the world. The perfect sweetheart landed himself on your doorstep just a few months after though, at the chemistry read for the sequel of the movie you’re in.

[We enter the point-of-view of our (formerly) downtrodden heroine, said Futakuchi Kenji’s lost love. Where is she? What has happened to her as of the breakup with the main character?]

Sugawara Koushi, who’s going to play your best friend in this new movie, was soft where Futakuchi was cruel. Sweet, with a hidden cheeky side, and intelligence to boot, he was the Upgrade. The man you dated after getting your heart broken, the man who you could dedicate your heart and soul to. The man who Futakuchi wishes he could have been. 

The man who takes you seriously and doesn’t discard you for something shinier, newer. 

It is certainly awkward when you run into your ex on set, the relationship between the two of you so irreparable that Futakuchi can’t even pretend to flirt with you, as he normally would. He gives you a hard stare but you square your shoulders and walk past him.

“Y/N,” he calls.

You turn around to face him. “What?”

“You look good,” he comments, referring to your new hairstyle and a sneaking glance at the small tattoo on your exposed collarbone. You nod, thanking him and continue on your walk inside the set. 

Futakuchi sighs. 

SCENE THREE

In your first scene together on set, you and Futakuchi’s characters go on a date. Much like he did for you, his character brings you for a dinner out on the town. He can’t help but sink into his role as your boyfriend; the lines blur because you don a costume the same colour as your favourite blouse, your hair is done in the same way you used to do yourself. Your character gives him the same mischievous smile you always gave him.

[Here, we note that our main character is on an upward battle towards the climax. He faces some realisations here, like loose threads he must pick up.]

He picks your hand up from the table and strokes his thumb across, the love drunk scripted lines spilling from his lips with ease. You respond in kind, lines a tad bit softer than you actually are, giving him a gorgeous smile with a twinkle in your eye. 

Futakuchi nails the scene in one take- that’s all he needs to sell to the cameras that he’s in love with you. 

The director calls ‘cut’ and praises him for his work. You pass a dull stare over him as you exit the set, like he was nothing more than a set piece. He sighs and walks back to his trailer. 

SCENE FOUR

A cast and crew dinner has led to this current situation. The two of you are waiting outside for your separate rides home. Sugawara has long left, citing an earlier appointment the next day. 

“We haven’t had the chance to talk,” Futakuchi says.

“I wonder why?” You roll your eyes.

“Well, you keep avoiding me,” he points out, “Always with the new boyfriend.”

“And that’s your fault, isn’t it?” You ask, lips pulled in a sneer. “You cast me off like I was deadweight, so when I move on, it’s somehow my fault?”

[This is the crescendo of the story. The sorrowful man and his jilted lover toss barbs at each other.]

“Oh but you moved on so easily, didn’t you? So much for being hurt by the breakup!” He accuses, because poison comes easier to him than vulnerability. 

“I was hurting for months, you asshole. Sugawara found me when I’d finished healing all on my own!” 

“I still love you,” Futakuchi admits painfully.

Your eyes are blown wide, chest heaving as you suck in a breath. 

“I don’t. In fact, I hate you for what you did to me.” 

SCENE FIVE

Futakuchi stares at the picture he has of the two of you, one of the final leftovers from your relationship that he didn’t purge. He couldn’t bear to. 

He recovered it from his nightstand and brought it to set with him that day, hoping that he could at least productively channel his regret into his scene where his character lamented his mistake of letting you go. He stares at the photograph, vision blurry as he recalls one of the last times he smiled as widely as he did back then. The lump in his throat is unbearable.

Why did he break up with you?

He tries to remember; his character broke up with yours because of your busy lives getting in the way. He broke up with you because his aspirations were getting in the way. But his character learns compromise, and that relationships take work, and that it’s okay if you’re not always the priority when your partner needs to focus on something for a while. 

Futakuchi learns these things when he sees you and Sugawara linking pinkies in the corner of the set, speaking in hushed whispers about something. When he hears you tell Sugawara that you’ll wait for him while he finishes a project overseas for the next couple of months. Sugawara tells you that he’ll call everyday and that the time apart will be over before you know it. 

There’s a light in your eyes that he misses, that hurts because it feels like a knife through his heart. It doesn’t shine on him anymore, not your laughter, not your kind heart, not the love bubbling in your eyes. You paint the affection on like a gloss when you have to look at him during a scene, but he can see through. See the resentment, the resignation in your pretty eyes. 

“Get ready!” Calls one of set assistants. 

[This is the ending; unsatisfactory to some. The sorrowful man realises what he’s lost. The futility of hoping for it back.]

Futakuchi sighs, holding the tears in for when the cameras start rolling. And when they do, he gets a quick glimpse of you with Sugawara; he looks at the picture of your smiling face and lets his tears fall. 

END

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by joey kind and That Man


End file.
